Labour of Love

Sorry - this post is a bit of a sidestep, but it's something that's been on my mind in the last little while.

When I was pregnant, I didn't think about labour too much.  I felt like I was standing at the top of a really intense waterslide that I couldn't back out of and even though the idea of going through labour was scary, I knew there wasn't much point freaking out about it.  I had no idea how it would go, and spending a lot of time and energy being worried still wouldn't change the fact I had pretty much no control over how and when it would happen.

I don't remember how much detail I gave you about Jack's birth.  I don't plan to be one of those women who adds to your worry about labour by giving you all the details of mine.  If you want them at some point, though, I'm happy to share.  Anyway, all the details aren't necessary for this.  

A few days ago, I was reading this article, where a celebrity blogged about her newest baby's all-natural birth.  I'm not sure why I read it -- it's not like I even know who this woman is or why she's famous (I think maybe she's a model?).  She describes giving birth at home (outside), surrounded by family and her midwives.  Even though I should just be able to read about her experience and stay neutral, I can't help but feel defensive and a little offended.  It's not the first time I've felt this way reading about someone else's labour and delivery. 

Here's one of the things she said that got to me the most:

"I understand that this birth choice [home birth] isn't for everyone, but I believe in trusting my body to do what women have been doing for thousands of years.  Childbirth isn't scary.  It's a natural and powerful wonder."

I often hear this argument in favour of natural childbirth.  I get it and I understand that perspective, but it still makes me mad (and a little sad, too).  The problem is that I feel like she's saying any other kind of labour and delivery is somehow a cop out.  Yes, women have been delivering babies for thousand of years.  But you know what?  A lot of them used to die and so did their babies.  If the circumstances around Jack's birth had been different, I could have been one of those women.  He definitely could have been one of those babies.  The woman who wrote the article was lucky that everything went the way she planned.  That isn't always the case, and I have to remind myself that my experience of giving birth doesn't make me weaker than her in any way.

I didn't have a home birth.  I didn't just get to "trust my body" since my water broke and then nothing happened.  I had to be induced, which I hated.  I laboured in a hospital instead of under a tree.   And despite being natural and powerful, yes, labour is scary.  Who wouldn't be even a little scared knowing (even sort of) what their body was about to be put through?  

But, in the end, my baby was born healthy.  And beautiful.  And I could not have been more in love.

So what's my point in all this....

I guess what I am trying to say (even though it's still a few months away for you) is that I hope you are able to have a thicker skin than I do.  When the time comes, make the birthing choices that feel right to you and don't let anyone else's idea of a perfect birth get in your way.  No matter what you picture or how much you plan, things will happen in their own way, and in the end all you will care about is holding that baby in your arms.  

That celebrity isn't totally wrong, though.  Birth is a powerful wonder.  However it happens.

Do We Really Need A...

Ok, so I know it seems a bit early for this, but I also know you love to shop (or at least window shop, browse, and plan).  I've got a couple installments of this kind of post, but here is the first one (for those very, very early days with a newborn).

There is so much stuff out the for babies. And it's all so cute! So what do you buy? One of the things I found really helpful was having someone to talk to about what's actually useful with a new baby and what's really just more stuff. Here's a few of my top picks for the newborn days:

A baby carrier: I have my wrap, and it's been invaluable to me. There are so many options out there, it's hard to know what to pick. Just find one you like and that lets you use both your hands when the baby is in it. When Jack was brand new (and even now) it was the one thing that could always settle him down. Plus, being able to wear Jack made it easier to accomplish things that had to get done at home.

Burp pads: As a newborn, Jack didn't spit up much. But when it came time to nurse him, I always had at least one (but often 2 or 3) burp pads near by. They were super useful for when he would let milk dribble down his cheek (and onto me) and to catch excess milk in general. In the first weeks (or maybe months...) I would also usually tuck one in my bra on the side he wasn't nursing on. Helped with leakage.

Little cloths: a new baby's skin is so sensitive, I was a bit worried about using wipes on him. Instead, we had lots (lots and lots and lots) of really thin little cloths we used to wash him when changing his diaper.

A place to put the baby down: ok, so you know that this didn't really happen much with my baby when he was really tiny, but the times I could put him down, I was really glad to have somewhere to put him. Whether it's a swing, a little bouncy chair, or a bassinet, it's good to have somewhere safe (and somewhat portable) to put the baby. Even if the baby only lets you put it down for five minutes every couple of days (like a certain boy I know...)

Pacifiers: If you don't choose to use them, that's totally fine and up to you. I don't think I gave one to Jack until he was a couple of weeks old, but it's been an ongoing love affair since then. I always figured I preferred to give him a soother instead of having him suck his thumb, since I can throw a soother away when the time comes. I think I gave you a couple we got as a gift that Jack would absolutely NOT use. The ones he loves are made by Nuk. For me, giving Jack a pacifier felt like giving him a coping strategy -- you could literally watch his stress melt away, and it was so helpful to have something that could calm him so quickly.

A stroller: especially one you can put the car seat in. Ok, so again this wasn't actually useful at my house until later, since Jack hated being in his car seat in the stroller (see: baby carrier). BUT if you have a baby who will let you stroller him/her around, it's wonderful. Especially with a baby born in the winter -- it's nice to be able to go on little outings just to get out of the house.

Lots of diapers: don't worry -- the baby won't always go through as many diapers as it does in the first few weeks. Newborns seem to have the uncanny ability to wait to poop until you've put them in a clean diaper. Ridiculous. You go through lots of diapers in the early days, but it gets better after that.

Onesies: I know this one seems obvious, but I thought I would include it anyway. The books always say the baby needs to wear a onesie and then pyjamas. I thought that was crazy, but it turns out it's for real (newborns can't make their own body heat. True story.). My favourite ones were from Carter's. They were kind of skinny, so they were nice and close to Jack's skin and didn't bunch up under his pyjamas.

So there's a first list. You really don't need that much to get started (the baby would most likely be happy to just to spend all day cuddled up against your skin inside your bathrobe). But I know I felt a bit lost trying to decide what we needed -- how do you plan for something you've never done before? Hopefully this helps a bit!

Pregnancy: I'm Glad I...

While there are, of course, things I wish I had done when I was pregnant, there are also a few things I'm so glad I did do:


Bought a maternity bathing suit. I wore a regular one for a while, then (when it clearly wasn't going to cut it anymore) splurged on a mat suit.  Ok, I might still have looked funny, with my bowling ball belly and relative chicken legs, but it didn't matter. Swimming felt great, so whatever I spent on the bathing suit was worth it.


Got a wedge. Remember my little triangle shaped pillow? I wedged it under my belly when I slept and it made a world of difference. It also wasn't as big as those giant body pillows, so it wasn't like having an extra person in bed.


Read as much as I could. And I don't mean reading about pregnancy or parenting. I mean reading for fun. I know you're like me and love to read. I don't know when I'll next have the chance to read for as long as I want without interruptions, so enjoy it.


Stayed active.  I found it hard when I felt sick (which made me feel a bit guilty) but it felt so good once I was feeling better. I think staying active helped me feel good right until Jack was born. Walking and swimming were some of my favorites, but I was willing to try most things (though I never pushed it too hard).


Travelled.  Even if we didn't go that far, we did try to get away as many times as we could.  We visited home, danced at a wedding, hiked and kayaked in Jasper, canoed in Waterton, floated in Nelson, and listened to jazz on the beach in Kaslo.  I know I will have wonderful memories of trips we take as a family of 3 (and more), but I'm so glad we'll also have so many memories of the last time it would ever be just the two of us.


Did my best not to worry too much. It's hard -- everything is new and unknown, but I reminded myself that no amount of worry was going to make sure my baby was healthy. Instead, I did my best to enjoy pregnancy and have faith everything would work out.


Admired.  Right now, if I take my eyes off Jack for even 10 seconds, it's a disaster.  No joke.  I know he will get more independent  and steadier (and maybe less terrifying?), but I know the next time I'm pregnant, a lot of my energy will still be devoted to my monkey of a boy.  So I feel so lucky I was able to spend as much time as I did admiring the miracle that pregnancy is.  I took notice every time he moved.  I rubbed my belly.  I sat, staring in wonder, many many times.