That Baby is Trying to Break You Up

This seemed so fitting after the conversation we had today (which I'm still laughing about).

Ever feel like your marriage has taken a direct hit because of the baby?  Read this.

You'll probably have days like this, where you're pretty sure your sweet baby is running some sort of torture exercise on you.  She's trying to break you both down.  Driving a wedge between you.  Trying to break you up.

And since directing all those negative emotions at a baby seems ridiculous, you have to find someone else.  Entre The Spouse.

Here's the best part about that article: I can laugh about it now.  That means I remember those feelings, and can completely relate.  But I don't feel them anymore.  Or, at least, not most of the time.

A Letter to a First-Time Mom

A friend of mine sent this to me when Jack was about six months old, and I thought it was beautiful.  It also helped me of feel better more than once.  I thought you might like it, too.

Dear Mother of Only One Child,

Don't say it. Before the words can even pass your lips, let me beg you: don't say, "Wow, you have nine kids? I thought it was hard with just my one!"

My dear, it is hard. You're not being a wuss or a whiner when you feel like your life is hard. I know, because I remember having only one child. You may not even believe how many times I stop and reflect on how much easier my life is, now that I have nine children.

All right, so there is a lot more laundry. Keeping up with each child's needs, and making sure they all get enough attention, is a constant worry. And a stomach bug is pretty much the end of the world, when nine digestive tracts are afflicted.

But I remember having only one child, and it was hard, so very hard. Some of the difficulties were just practical: I didn't know what I was doing, had to learn everything. People pushed me around because I was young and inexperienced. But even worse were the emotional struggles of learning to be a mother.

When I had only one child, I truly suffered during those long, long, long days in our little apartment, no one but the two of us, baby and me, dealing with each other all day long. I invented errands and dawdled and took the long way home, but still had hours and hours to fill before I would hear my husband's key in the door.

I cared so much what other people thought about her, they had to notice how beautiful she was, they had to be impressed at my natural mothering skills. I obsessed over childhood development charts, tense with fear that my mothering was lacking, that I hadn't stimulated her enough, or maybe had just passed on the wrong kind of genes. I cringe when I remember how I pushed her, "a little baby" to achieve milestones she wasn't ready for.

I lived in terror for her physical safety (I once brought her to Urgent Care, where the doctor somewhat irritably diagnosed a case of moderate sniffles) fearing every imaginable disease and injury. In my sleep-deprived state, I would have sudden insane hallucinations that her head had fallen off, her knees had suddenly broken themselves in the night, and so on.

My husband didn't know how to help me. I didn't know how to ask for help. My husband had become a father, and I adored him for it. My husband got to leave the house every day, and sleep every night. He got to go to the bathroom alone. I hated him for it.

When I had only one child, I told myself over and over that motherhood was fulfilling and sanctifying and was filling my heart to the brim with peace and satisfaction. And so I felt horribly guilty for being so bored, so resentful, so exhausted. This is a joyful time, dammit! I should enjoy being suddenly transformed into the Doyenne of Anything that Smells Bad.

I loved my baby, I loved pushing her on the swing, watching squirrels at the park together, introducing her to apple sauce, and watching her lips move in joyful dreams of milk. But it was hard, hard, hard. All this work: is this who I am now? I remember!

So now? Yes, the practical parts are a thousand times easier: I'm a virtuoso. I worry, but then I move along. Nobody pushes me around, and I have helpers galore. Someone fetches clean diapers and gets rid of the dirty ones. When the baby wakes up in the middle of the night for the ten thousandth time, I sigh and roll my eyes, maybe even cry a little bit for sheer tiredness, but I know it will pass, it will pass.

It's becoming easier, and it will be easier still. They are passing me by.

I'm broken in. There's no collision of worlds. We're so darn busy that it's a sheer delight to take some time to wash some small child's small limbs in a quiet bath, or to read The Story of Ferdinand one more time. Taking care of them is easy. It's tiring, it's frustrating, but when I stop and take a breath, I see that it's almost like a charade of work. All these things, the dishes, the diapers, the spills, they must be taken care of, but they don't matter. They aren't who I am.

To become a mother, I had to learn how to care about someone more than I did about myself, and that was terrible. But who I am now is something more terrible: the protector who can't always protect; the one with arms that are designed to hold, always having to let go.

Dear mother of only one child, don't blame yourself for thinking that your life is hard. You're suffering now because you're turning into a new woman, a woman who is never allowed to be alone. For what? Only so that you can become strong enough to be a woman who will be left.

When I had only one child, she was so heavy. Now I can see that children are as light as air. They float past you, nudging against you like balloons as they ascend.

Dear mother, don't worry about enjoying your life. Your life is hard; your life will be hard. That doesn't mean you're doing something wrong, it means you're doing it right.

Sleep (part 2)

This is the second post from when Jack was six months old.  It was really the time when his sleep was at its most challenging and I wasn't sure how I would survive.  

Jack is now just over six months old, and much of the time, I am still obsessed with sleep.

Here's an update on our situation.

The Positives

Sometimes it's hard for me to focus on these (especially when I'm tired) but they are there.  Jack will now nap in the car, in his stroller, and (miraculously) in a swing.  Maybe even bigger is that out of the last 3 nights, twice I have been able to put Jack to sleep in his crib and have a blissful 45 minutes to myself.  Then he's back in my arms.  Now we just have to deal with that damn first 45 minute sleep cycle... 

He usually has three naps a day (two longer and one shorter).  Each one comes after he has been awake and playing for about 2 hours.  He is a champ about bedtime.  He has a routine we follow every night, and he gets it, so there's almost no fussing or crying at all (but that took time).  His nights usually go from 7 pm to 7 am (give or take) but he still wakes up ever 2 or 3 hours to nurse or just be soothed back to sleep (about 5 minutes each time).

Areas for Growth

At first, I was going to call this "The Negatives", but that doesn't really help anyone feel good, so I renamed it with wording from my report-card writing days.  The biggest one is that sometimes I have a hard time not second guessing myself.  When I'm my most tired and unhappy, I start to feel like I've created this problem, and could have had a baby who slept perfectly if I hadn't screwed it up.  Truth is, Jack is who he is.  He came this way, and I've done the best I can to figure him out as we go.

He's still sleeping in my bed every night, though I would like that to change sooner rather than later.  He has also been going through a phase (off and on) for the last month where he has nights (often many of them in a row) where he is wide awake in the middle of the night and wants to play.  Not cool, small boy.  In the last week or so, I've found a way to deal with him that helps me stay calm and not get frustrated [I can't remember what my method was, but I think this was when I decided just to get up and watch tv with him in the middle of the night until he was sleepy instead of spending and hour and a half actively trying to get him back to sleep when he was WIDE awake].  Jahn is also an amazing support when I've reached the end of my rope.  

The last two months have been hard,

Sleep (Part 1)

I've had these next two posts just waiting for you, but when Ruby was such a good sleeper, I figured you might not need them.  Then when I saw your email about hitting the classic 4-month sleep regression, I thought I should publish them so you could see you're not alone. 

Actually, when Jack was Ruby's age (or just a little younger), I opened Google and started to type in "4 Month Old" and the first thing that came up was "Sleep regression".  Ugh.

Up until he was 4 months old, Jack used to sleep in until 8:00 or 8:30 every morning.  That sounds great, but in reality, the two hours between 6:30 and 8:30 was the best sleep I got all night...

And then he hit 4 months.  Literally THE DAY of his 4-month birthday, he woke up at 6:00 a.m. and was up for the day.  I cried.  I prayed it was a blip.  But that was the end of the 8:30 sleep in.  The time between 4 and 6 months were the hardest for sleep.  So below, you will find the account I wrote when I was in the middle of it.  This isn't meant to scare you at all.  Ruby and Jack are very different babies, so I'm sure she will chart her own course completely.  But hopefully, when Ruby is screaming before bed, or waking over and over, this can help you feel that you are not alone.  

I'll admit it: I'm obsessed with sleep. And the less I get, the more I think about it.  I think about it a lot.  So far, three-and-a-half months into parenting, I have absolutely no advice on sleep. Maybe by the time you need reassurance, I will. Or, then again, maybe you'll be blessed with a baby who sleeps long and peacefully right from the beginning. But in case you're like us, here's where we are with our battle with sleep (or the lack thereof) with our almost four-month-old.


Naps: Jack has two or three long naps a day (or sometimes one long one and a few shorter ones). He still hates to sleep by himself, so his naps are pretty much all in my arms. If we're out, he naps in my wrap, and now, thankfully, in his stroller or carseat. If I nap in bed with him, sometimes I can get up after a while and he will stay sleeping, but that doesn't happen often.


Night: my biggest struggle. Like I've told you, Jack started sleeping in our bed the first night he was home from the hospital. He was so little and had always been near me, so it seemed completely normal for him to want to be in bed beside me (though, until he was here, it was never my plan). I was also so sore from giving birth, that it was easier for me not to have to get up to get him when he cried.


But that was then. Now, four months later, he is still in my bed (which I'm mostly ok with) and still waking to eat every 2-3 hours (which I'm not as ok with). In my heart, I know he's still very young and that this time with him will be over before I know it. But the mornings that I am the most exhausted and I get up to find on facebook other moms celebrating their babies (often younger) have slept 7,8,9 hours in a row, I want to cry. Ok, let's be honest, sometimes I do cry.

I have never been this tired in my life.  Every night , I hope tonight will e the night he miraculously sleeps for longer than 3 hours, but I'm starting to think that's not going to happen on its own.  Or maybe ever....

Mine Never Did That

Babies are hard work. Luckily, they're also beautiful and you're so totally in love the hard work seems way more manageable. And, like everyone is so fond of saying, one day, you'll forget the hard parts. And I'm sure that's true. But since everyone seems to believe we forget some of the roughest patches of parenting, what I want to know, as a new mum, is why so many people are willing to tell you (with seeming absolute certainty) that their own babies never did what yours is doing.

Are you sure? Maybe you've just blocked it out.

So when you need someone to commiserate with, I'm your girl. Because you know what? My baby probably did whatever yours is doing that's driving you crazy. Even if I don't remember.

This Too Shall Pass

Here's a piece of advice everyone loves to give a new mom: this too shall pass.

This particular piece of advice used to drive me nuts because I felt like people were taunting me. Like they were saying that whatever struggle I was facing with Jack would pass once I figured out what was wrong or that it would pass once I fixed things.

But that's where I was wrong. People literally mean what they are saying. Babies are strange little creatures, and you can't always figure them out. They'll do something that seems to make no sense (Jack would sleep in his carseat in the car, but once I moved the carseat into the stroller, he would lose it and scream until I rescued him), and then one day, out of nowhere, they change. They stop doing the thing that was driving you crazy without you doing anything different.

Knowing something will pass doesn't always help in the moment, but what did help me was remembering that I was already doing the best I could, and that sometimes, all you can do is take a deep breath and keep going. Because the way things are now may not be the way they are tomorrow.

So. Tired.

"I'm soooo tired!"  I hadn't really noticed how often people throw those words around, though I know I've said them many, many times in my life.

And then I had a baby.

And then I understood what tired was.

For a lot of Jack's infancy, I was more tired than I had ever been in my life.  Before Jack, when someone told me they were tired, I might have been able to give a supportive "aww, that's too bad." But once Jack came along, I was more inclined to punch them  (unless, that is, they also had small children). I'm sure it was mostly the sleep deprivation talking, but I wanted to tell people I actually didn't care how tired they were, and that unless they were being awoken every two hours all night, every night, they didn't really know what tired was.

The thing is, you can't really understand what that kind of sleep deprivation feels like until you experience it.  Once some of the newborn fog lifted (ok, actually I think it was around the time Jack was 7 months old) I came to the realization that sleep deprivation doesn't feel like tired -- it feels like crazy.  I can say that I completely understand why it would be used as a method of torture.

I know all these things.  I know how awful it is to feel like no matter how much sleep you need, you just aren't going to get it because you're a mom and there is a tiny person who needs you.  So after we talked about Ruby's sleep the other day, I hung up and then felt like I hadn't been a very good mom friend for telling you she was doing great with sleep.  I mean, she is doing great for how old she is -- she sleeps in her own bed, only wakes up once or twice, and already sleeps some longer stretches -- those things really are great.  But when you were telling me how early she was up, and how tired you were, you probably didn't need me to say she was doing great.

You probably needed me to tell you I understand.  I know how you feel.  I've had many a morning where I cried because Jack woke up too early, and all I could see was how the day had suddenly gotten a hour longer, and how I would have that much less energy to make it through.

I just wish I had thought to tell you all those things at the time.  So I hope hearing them now is better than never.

The Fourth Trimester

When Jack was about 8 weeks old, I remember calling my mom, worried that I had broken my baby.  He had decided, very definitely, that being in someone's arms (or attached to me in some way) was the only thing that would do.  He would not be put down -- at least not for long.  I figured that, by letting him call the shots, I had ruined him, and would have to wear or carry him forever.

When I called, my mom happened to be with a friend of hers (a child psychologist at that) who told me I shouldn't worry.  That I should think of the first three or four months of Jack's life as the fourth trimester of pregnancy.  Even though he was no longer inside me, Jack was far from being a developed person, and giving him whatever he wanted was totally fine and would not come close to ruining him.

I felt better.  And it turns out, she was right.

Then just today, I saw this and I remembered all those feelings again.  So I thought I would send it to you, in case you were having any of the same feelings.

You're Doing Ok

I think all new moms have doubts about themselves from time to time. We're charged with raising another human -- responsible for making sure this other person turns out ok. But, let's face it: we're human, too, and try as we might, there are going to be times we make mistakes. Or lose our patience.  Or worry -- about everything...


So when that happens, watch this video and feel better. And maybe cry a little.

Help Me!

Even though I really do believe in trusting yourself when it comes to what's right for your baby, there are times when you'll want advice. Talking to other parents is great, but I've found the Internet can also be a lifeline. Sometimes you can find a good answer to a quick question. Other times, it's just nice to find a whole cyber world of parents going through the same thing.  So here are some of my favorite places to look for advice and support.

Babycentre.com or babycentre.ca : lots of good answers, especially for health and development kinds of questions.

Todaysparent.com: tons of articles about everything (and a good "search" feature). It sometimes takes a little bit to find what you're looking for, but I always enjoy the articles I read.

Askdrsears.com: by far my favourite when it comes to those "am I doing the right thing" feelings. Have a look and see what you think. His views on raising babies has been a lifesaver with Jack. I know there were times people thought I was crazy because of things I did with Jack (like letting him nap in my arms or sleep in my bed), but Dr. Sears always made me feel like I was doing exactly the right thing. Be warned, though: his views are definitely not for everyone.  If his advice doesn't work for you or your baby, ignore it!

Mall Meltdown

(** I wrote this quite a while ago, and I know you said you were at the mall the other day and it sounds like it all went great.  But I thought I would still include it... Just in case...**)

I've always noticed babies. I can't help it -- it's who I am. And one of the places babies seem to be everywhere you look is the mall. I would see moms pushing their their chubby smiling babies around the mall and think "One day, that will be me". And I couldn't wait.

Fast forward.

Jack is just over two weeks old and Jess is visiting from Ottawa. She wants to get herself some new running shoes and I am looking for some more nursing shirts, so we decide to head to Market Mall. It was my first real outing with Jack (at least one that wasn't with Jahn) and I was excited to finally be one of those moms I always saw. People would be cooing at my baby. My perfect (still very brand new) baby. 

The mall wasn't very busy, since it was a Thursday morning in the middle of September. Jack was happily snoozing in his car seat in the stroller. And just as I hoped, people were smiling at me and telling me how beautiful my baby was. The first five minutes were bliss. Then reality hit. Jess wanted to check out H&M. While she shopped, I tried to keep the stroller moving to keep Jack asleep. Unfortunately, Jack was having none of it. He woke up and wanted out. Like, NOW.  I picked him up, gave him a soother, and he snuggled right in. But that's when I started noticing it: The noise. The smells. The lights. All the people. I started to feel panicky. Jess finished and we left the store. I felt a bit better out in the main part of the mall.

We headed for the food court, where Jack decided he was hungry, too. I felt the wave of panic again. I was going to have to change and nurse him in public. With all the noise and the germs and the lights and the people. I did it, but by the time I was done, I was exhausted.

Next, it was on to look for shoes. Jess had a hard time deciding -- these ones or these ones? Hmmmm..... Maybe these ones? Or those ones... Jack started to squawk again. I could feel myself losing it. We needed to leave. Like, NOW. I took some deep breaths. I took Jack back out of his stroller. Finally, shoes were chosen and we got to leave. Once I got the car seat and stroller loaded into the car and started driving, I vowed silently never to set foot in the mall again.

Of course, I don't think I stuck to that for more than a few days (in fact, I went back to Market Mall the following Monday with my mom and felt much better). The funny thing is, when I was pregnant, a co-worker of mine told me about leaving a mall in tears with her very new baby and her mom because she just couldn't take it. When she told me the story, I secretly thought she must have been a bit nuts. But suddenly, standing panicked in Market Mall, I totally got it. I have since talked to lots other moms who tell me almost the same story. I still can't tell you why exactly I felt the way I did. I think it had something to do with seeing for the first time just how vulnerable my baby was, and knowing I was the one responsible for making everything ok.

Either way, if you find yourself having a small panic attack in a mall with your brand new baby, you're not alone. Take a deep breath, and just leave if you need to. You're not crazy.  

And don't worry -- you will get to be one of those moms in the mall.

Ahhh Newborns

Those newborn days can be intense. But they're beautiful, too. Here are a few of the things I found most wonderful:

Holding your sleeping baby. In those first few weeks, Jack slept a lot. He was so beautiful and so new and tiny, I found it almost impossible to put him down. There's just something magical about the warm weight of a sleeping newborn in your arms.

Watching the baby's expressions. Even when they are asleep, the funniest little expressions cross their faces. You could watch all day and never get bored. So let the dishes wait. Sit back and enjoy the show.

Other people and your baby. I've said it before, but a newborn is all kinda of magic. As much as you love your baby, it's also pretty special to watch the people around you fall in love with him or her. I was worried I wouldn't be good at sharing the baby, but it turns out it's worth sharing to watch other people interact and marvel at your baby. Maybe best of all is when that other person is your husband. Your heart will melt watching your husband fall in love with his baby.

Tiny details. Ok, so I guess this actually goes along with holding your baby or watching his expressions, but it's hard not to sit and be amazed by this perfect little being you created. Just looking at all the tiny little features is irresistible.

Things That Matter

I didn't want my last post before you become a mom to be about dirty diapers.  It seemed wrong (even though diapers will be a part of the new everyday), when there are so many other, much more important things to say.

So here they are.

You can do it.
This mom thing, this raising of tiny humans, it's hard.  It's wonderful.  It's all those cliches you always hear.  I'm so excited for you, and I know you're going to do an amazing job.  

It's ok.
Some days will suck.  Some days, you'll wonder what you were thinking getting yourself into this. When people told me that before Jack was born, I thought I wouldn't ever feel that way.  Admitting (even just to myself) I did feel that way sometimes was hard.  But having days when I wished I could be somewhere else didn't mean I was a bad mom.  It won't mean you're one either. Go easy on yourself.  

You can call.
I've told you before, but I want you to know I really mean it.  If I was still in Calgary, I would also offer to come over at any time, but since I'm here, the phone and Skype are the tools I have.  Any day, any time.  It will never be too early or too late.

You aren't alone.  

I can see now that the times when being a mom feels the hardest are the times I feel alone.  As soon as I find someone (in real life, or online) who feels the way I do, everything is easier.  As much as it takes a village to raise a child, I think it takes a village to raise a mom, too.  Find your village, and their support will overwhelm you.

Now enjoy this (and I dare you not to cry...)

Diaper Duty

There's so much information out there about new babies, and it's impossible to try to remember everything, so I definitely don't want to add to that for you.  But I was thinking today about one of those little tips that I found helpful in the hospital.  Maybe you've already read it.  Maybe the nurses will tell you.  But in case not, here is a piece of diapering advice:

The first few times your baby poops, it will be black and sticky (like tar).  That's the meconium.  The hospital is going to give you a tube of Vaseline, which is the BEST thing to for those first few dirty diapers.  When you're changing her, spread a good layer of the Vaseline on her bottom.  It will make the next diaper change SO much easier, because the Vaseline will help stop the meconium from sticking to her.

And yes, in just over a week, the bodily functions of another human being will become a completely normal conversation topic.  Just go with it.

If It Feels Right

Have you seen the number of books that exist about parenting? Each expert seems to be saying that they know the best way to raise a baby. If you just follow their advice, your baby won't cry, will sleep through the night at 3 weeks, and your life will be bliss.  And then there's also all the unsolicited advice and opinions from other well-meaning parents.

It's not that I think all the experts are wrong or all the advice is bad.  But when Jack was born, I was struck by the fact that he was ours -- we knew him better than anyone else did, and that made us the experts.

People (both with and without kids) just can't seem to help themselves from offering advice to new parents.  Sometimes, that "help" doesn't feel helpful - it feels judgemental.  There are definitely some people who feel the way they did things was the "right" way, and any other way (in their eyes) just isn't as good.  Coming up against those people is not fun.  For the most part though, I don't think people mean to be critical. I think they know having a new baby is tough and they just want to help make it easier for you.    

But in the end, what other people did with their babies doesn't dictate what you have to do with yours. Keep the advice you like and quietly ignore the rest.  Nod and smile, and then do whatever you want.

You won't get it all right on the first try.  It will be hard.  There will be times you will be unsure of yourself in a way you never have been before. 

But don't worry about people telling you you're doing the wrong thing. Listen to yourself and your baby and find what makes you all happy.  Because if it works for you, that's all that matters.

And on those tough days, where you think you're in over your head, call me.  I promise you I will always be supportive of whatever decisions you make.  Have her sleep in your room, or your bed, or in the basement.  Bottle or breast feed.  Let her nap in your arms or in the swing or with the cat.  I'll be here to be your cheerleader.  To remind you you're doing a great job, even when you're not sure.  To remind you to focus on you and your baby, and to let everyone else fade into the background.

Postpartum: What the. . . . ? (aka Too Much Information)

One of the things I was nervous about was how it would feel to recover from giving birth. I tried to do some reading to prepare myself, but nothing can really tell you how you'll feel. That being said, here are a few of the things I wish I had known before coming home with Jack.

1. Night sweats: for the first couple of weeks after Jack was born, I would literally soak the bed having crazy night sweats. I thought I was wearing pyjamas that were too warm. As it turns out, it's totally normal - just your body's way of getting rid of extra fluid you carried around when you were pregnant.

2. Cracks: Breastmilk is the best cure for cracked nipples.  If you can, express a bit of milk, rub it in, and let it air-dry. Amazing.

3.  Crying:  Oh, the crying.  Everyone talks about how hormonal you are after giving birth, but it still caught me off guard.  I cried about lots of different things that I could have guessed before (being tired, being in pain, being tired), but I also cried for lots of reasons I never anticipated.  Most of them had to do with the overwhelming feelings about having a baby.  I cried looking at him.  I cried the first time Jahn took him for a (very short) walk because he and I were separated.  I cried when he cried in his bassinet, because I imagined how alone and scared he must be feeling (and there was the beginning of co-sleeping....but that's another post!).  Long and short is, you'll cry.  Lots.  And that's ok.

4. Evolution:  I am (generally) a sane person.  I understand reason and logic.  But that went almost completely out the window when Jack was born, and it took me a while to understand that had a lot to do with biology and evolution (and not just that I was crazy).  In theory, I knew that when a baby cried, it wasn't dying -- it just needed something.  In practice, I could NOT handle listening to Jack cry, especially in someone else's arms.  Even when all I wanted was a break, hearing him cry was more than I could take.  But, of course, nature has made us this way -- mothers are biologically tuned into their babies - it's how we evolved and survived.  So no, you're not crazy.  It gets waaaaay easier as the baby gets older, but in the beginning, a lot of what you feel is hard wired right into you.

Sorry..... I know I said no more....

....about breastfeeding, but this article came up on Today's Parent, and it has some things I wish I had known before having Jack.

Hospital Bag

When I was thinking about packing my hospital bag, I found a hundred lists telling me what I needed to bring.  And of course, they were all different.

In case you're in the same boat I was -- lost and confused about what you'll actually want and need -- here's the list of what I actually used/needed in the hospital.

For Baby

Diapers: the hospital gives you the first five diapers (no, I'm not kidding -- they are that precise) and after that you need to provide your own.  One of the packages of about 30 newborn diapers should be a good start.  Have more waiting for you at home.

Wipes: I don't remember if the hospital gave us any.  I'm sure they must have given us a few, but bring your own anyway.

Clothes: I found all the lists I read seemed to include tons of clothing for the baby.  Like I already told you, Jack hardly wore anything while he was in the hospital -- I think we had two outfits with us...  More than anything, I would bring things in a couple of different sizes (newborn, and 0-3 months) since you don't know what will fit.  Because you know you'll be in the hospital a few days (and because baby clothes are tiny!) I would probably bring a 4 or 5 onesies and 4 or 5 sleepers.  That will probably be more than you'll need.

Blankets: the hospital will give you a couple of receiving blankets (we definitely stole ours when we left...), but you might also want to bring one or two of your own from home.  You might want one other kind of blanket too, though I remember the hospital being pretty warm when we were in there.


For Mom

Pads: same deal as diapers.  They give you the first five, and then it's up to you.  And when they talk about pads, they don't mean the ones you would use for a regular cycle.  Find some heavy duty ones (like ones marketed for overnight, or heavy flow).   They also provide some lovely underwear for you.  They work well, though you might also want to bring a few pairs of your maternity underwear.

Comfortable Clothes: I've heard that your middle is pretty sore at the site of your incision, so think about what you could bring that's loose fitting.  I was mostly in pyjamas, but had an outfit for going home, too.  Maybe bring a nursing bra, but you may not actually wear it until you're leaving.  Bring slippers or socks, too.  The floors get cold!

Nursing Pillow: The hospital has some and I used one from them, but I think my own would have been better.  It was a bit different in shape, so it would have been nice to use it at the hospital when I was first getting the hang of nursing.

Actual pillow: especially if you sleep best with your own pillow (not that you can do a whole lot of sleeping in the hospital...).  They give you a pillow, but it's never as good as your own.

Towel: It will probably be a day or two after the birth before you're able to have a shower.  They have towels at the hospital, but they're crappy and small.  Next time, I would totally bring my own.  The first two or three showers after Jack was born felt better than any shower I have ever had.  You might want flip flops for the shower, too.

iPad:  I was surprised to find that PLC didn't have wifi, but maybe they do now?  Even if you can't connect to a network, it's kind of a fun, mindless way to pass some time (when you're not nursing, sleeping, trying to sleep, or staring at your amazingly perfect new baby).

Camera: Your baby will pretty much just sleep, and you'll still be tempted to document it all (and then you can share all the photos with me eventually).

Babies R Us

I love to shop.  Most often, I don't buy anything, but I love shopping anyway.  In fact, I think you'll find this is not my first post about shopping (and it's not my last, either...).

One of the places I end up browsing fairly often is Babies R Us.  I love looking at all the things you can get for a baby -- all the clothes, toys, and gear.  I think I told you how much I loved creating a registry for Jack.  I agonized over so many of the choices I made, but I still loved the whole process.  It made the idea of my baby real and I loved picturing him using all the things I was picking.  So Babies R Us holds some pretty nice memories for me.

But recently, something else has started to happen there. . .

I've become this nice-but-slightly-crazy lady who smiles (a little too much) at the pregnant ladies carrying baby bathtubs.  Who grins a little too hard at couples trying to pick out crib sheets and monitors.

Because something has suddenly dawned on me:  I'll never be that person again.   I will never again be getting ready to welcome my first baby.

It's not exactly that I'm sad; mostly sentimental.   Waiting for my first baby was exciting and scary and totally overwhelming.

But what I didn't quite grasp at the time was that it would only happen once.

When Jack was brand-new and something wouldn't go how I imagined, part of me would think "well, at least he's not going to be my only baby, so I'll get a chance to try that again some day."  And I still believe that -- he won't be my only baby.

But he is, and always will be, my only first baby.  And that's something pretty special.

Getting ready for a baby isn't perfect, and life with a newborn (or older baby, or toddler) is almost never the same as the fantasy you have in your mind.  But when you can look past the piles of new clothes to wash, the monitors to unpack, the gear that is slowly taking over space that was once yours, take a minute to enjoy it all.  To appreciate the peace and quiet of the only time you will prepare to welcome the first new life to your family.

Because before you know it, you may be the one smiling wistfully at the Babies R Us moms and dads and their carts full of brand-new stuff.

Paperwork

Babies come with a lot of paperwork that needs to be filled out.  You have to name them, register their birth, and apply for EI among other things.  I found trying to keep track of all of it a little overwhelming (especially with my pregnancy brain!) so here's a pretty good list for you to browse.

Some of the paperwork is given to you by the hospital (like the one for officially naming your baby), but there is other stuff you have to do yourself (like going to a Alberta Registries office to apply for baby's birth certificate).

I also know that Jahn had to phone the Calgary Board of Education to let them know when Jack was born (within 48 hours, I think), but it's a bit of a blur to me since he took care of that...

Thank goodness we have husbands and moms around to help with all this stuff so we can sit back and enjoy our newborns (oh yeah, and recover from giving birth!).