Have you seen the number of books that exist about parenting? Each expert seems to be saying that they know the best way to raise a baby. If you just follow their advice, your baby won't cry, will sleep through the night at 3 weeks, and your life will be bliss. And then there's also all the unsolicited advice and opinions from other well-meaning parents.
It's not that I think all the experts are wrong or all the advice is bad. But when Jack was born, I was struck by the fact that he was ours -- we knew him better than anyone else did, and that made us the experts.
People (both with and without kids) just can't seem to help themselves from offering advice to new parents. Sometimes, that "help" doesn't feel helpful - it feels judgemental. There are definitely some people who feel the way they did things was the "right" way, and any other way (in their eyes) just isn't as good. Coming up against those people is not fun. For the most part though, I don't think people mean to be critical. I think they know having a new baby is tough and they just want to help make it easier for you.
But in the end, what other people did with their babies doesn't dictate what you have to do with yours. Keep the advice you like and quietly ignore the rest. Nod and smile, and then do whatever you want.
You won't get it all right on the first try. It will be hard. There will be times you will be unsure of yourself in a way you never have been before.
But don't worry about people telling you you're doing the wrong thing. Listen to yourself and your baby and find what makes you all happy. Because if it works for you, that's all that matters.
And on those tough days, where you think you're in over your head, call me. I promise you I will always be supportive of whatever decisions you make. Have her sleep in your room, or your bed, or in the basement. Bottle or breast feed. Let her nap in your arms or in the swing or with the cat. I'll be here to be your cheerleader. To remind you you're doing a great job, even when you're not sure. To remind you to focus on you and your baby, and to let everyone else fade into the background.
Monday, January 28, 2013
Monday, January 21, 2013
Postpartum: What the. . . . ? (aka Too Much Information)
One of the things I was nervous about was how it would feel to recover from giving birth. I tried to do some reading to prepare myself, but nothing can really tell you how you'll feel. That being said, here are a few of the things I wish I had known before coming home with Jack.
1. Night sweats: for the first couple of weeks after Jack was born, I would literally soak the bed having crazy night sweats. I thought I was wearing pyjamas that were too warm. As it turns out, it's totally normal - just your body's way of getting rid of extra fluid you carried around when you were pregnant.
2. Cracks: Breastmilk is the best cure for cracked nipples. If you can, express a bit of milk, rub it in, and let it air-dry. Amazing.
3. Crying: Oh, the crying. Everyone talks about how hormonal you are after giving birth, but it still caught me off guard. I cried about lots of different things that I could have guessed before (being tired, being in pain, being tired), but I also cried for lots of reasons I never anticipated. Most of them had to do with the overwhelming feelings about having a baby. I cried looking at him. I cried the first time Jahn took him for a (very short) walk because he and I were separated. I cried when he cried in his bassinet, because I imagined how alone and scared he must be feeling (and there was the beginning of co-sleeping....but that's another post!). Long and short is, you'll cry. Lots. And that's ok.
4. Evolution: I am (generally) a sane person. I understand reason and logic. But that went almost completely out the window when Jack was born, and it took me a while to understand that had a lot to do with biology and evolution (and not just that I was crazy). In theory, I knew that when a baby cried, it wasn't dying -- it just needed something. In practice, I could NOT handle listening to Jack cry, especially in someone else's arms. Even when all I wanted was a break, hearing him cry was more than I could take. But, of course, nature has made us this way -- mothers are biologically tuned into their babies - it's how we evolved and survived. So no, you're not crazy. It gets waaaaay easier as the baby gets older, but in the beginning, a lot of what you feel is hard wired right into you.
1. Night sweats: for the first couple of weeks after Jack was born, I would literally soak the bed having crazy night sweats. I thought I was wearing pyjamas that were too warm. As it turns out, it's totally normal - just your body's way of getting rid of extra fluid you carried around when you were pregnant.
2. Cracks: Breastmilk is the best cure for cracked nipples. If you can, express a bit of milk, rub it in, and let it air-dry. Amazing.
3. Crying: Oh, the crying. Everyone talks about how hormonal you are after giving birth, but it still caught me off guard. I cried about lots of different things that I could have guessed before (being tired, being in pain, being tired), but I also cried for lots of reasons I never anticipated. Most of them had to do with the overwhelming feelings about having a baby. I cried looking at him. I cried the first time Jahn took him for a (very short) walk because he and I were separated. I cried when he cried in his bassinet, because I imagined how alone and scared he must be feeling (and there was the beginning of co-sleeping....but that's another post!). Long and short is, you'll cry. Lots. And that's ok.
4. Evolution: I am (generally) a sane person. I understand reason and logic. But that went almost completely out the window when Jack was born, and it took me a while to understand that had a lot to do with biology and evolution (and not just that I was crazy). In theory, I knew that when a baby cried, it wasn't dying -- it just needed something. In practice, I could NOT handle listening to Jack cry, especially in someone else's arms. Even when all I wanted was a break, hearing him cry was more than I could take. But, of course, nature has made us this way -- mothers are biologically tuned into their babies - it's how we evolved and survived. So no, you're not crazy. It gets waaaaay easier as the baby gets older, but in the beginning, a lot of what you feel is hard wired right into you.
Sorry..... I know I said no more....
....about breastfeeding, but this article came up on Today's Parent, and it has some things I wish I had known before having Jack.
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Hospital Bag
When I was thinking about packing my hospital bag, I found a hundred lists telling me what I needed to bring. And of course, they were all different.
In case you're in the same boat I was -- lost and confused about what you'll actually want and need -- here's the list of what I actually used/needed in the hospital.
For Baby
Diapers: the hospital gives you the first five diapers (no, I'm not kidding -- they are that precise) and after that you need to provide your own. One of the packages of about 30 newborn diapers should be a good start. Have more waiting for you at home.
Wipes: I don't remember if the hospital gave us any. I'm sure they must have given us a few, but bring your own anyway.
Clothes: I found all the lists I read seemed to include tons of clothing for the baby. Like I already told you, Jack hardly wore anything while he was in the hospital -- I think we had two outfits with us... More than anything, I would bring things in a couple of different sizes (newborn, and 0-3 months) since you don't know what will fit. Because you know you'll be in the hospital a few days (and because baby clothes are tiny!) I would probably bring a 4 or 5 onesies and 4 or 5 sleepers. That will probably be more than you'll need.
Blankets: the hospital will give you a couple of receiving blankets (we definitely stole ours when we left...), but you might also want to bring one or two of your own from home. You might want one other kind of blanket too, though I remember the hospital being pretty warm when we were in there.
For Mom
Pads: same deal as diapers. They give you the first five, and then it's up to you. And when they talk about pads, they don't mean the ones you would use for a regular cycle. Find some heavy duty ones (like ones marketed for overnight, or heavy flow). They also provide some lovely underwear for you. They work well, though you might also want to bring a few pairs of your maternity underwear.
Comfortable Clothes: I've heard that your middle is pretty sore at the site of your incision, so think about what you could bring that's loose fitting. I was mostly in pyjamas, but had an outfit for going home, too. Maybe bring a nursing bra, but you may not actually wear it until you're leaving. Bring slippers or socks, too. The floors get cold!
Nursing Pillow: The hospital has some and I used one from them, but I think my own would have been better. It was a bit different in shape, so it would have been nice to use it at the hospital when I was first getting the hang of nursing.
Actual pillow: especially if you sleep best with your own pillow (not that you can do a whole lot of sleeping in the hospital...). They give you a pillow, but it's never as good as your own.
Towel: It will probably be a day or two after the birth before you're able to have a shower. They have towels at the hospital, but they're crappy and small. Next time, I would totally bring my own. The first two or three showers after Jack was born felt better than any shower I have ever had. You might want flip flops for the shower, too.
iPad: I was surprised to find that PLC didn't have wifi, but maybe they do now? Even if you can't connect to a network, it's kind of a fun, mindless way to pass some time (when you're not nursing, sleeping, trying to sleep, or staring at your amazingly perfect new baby).
Camera: Your baby will pretty much just sleep, and you'll still be tempted to document it all (and then you can share all the photos with me eventually).
In case you're in the same boat I was -- lost and confused about what you'll actually want and need -- here's the list of what I actually used/needed in the hospital.
For Baby
Diapers: the hospital gives you the first five diapers (no, I'm not kidding -- they are that precise) and after that you need to provide your own. One of the packages of about 30 newborn diapers should be a good start. Have more waiting for you at home.
Wipes: I don't remember if the hospital gave us any. I'm sure they must have given us a few, but bring your own anyway.
Clothes: I found all the lists I read seemed to include tons of clothing for the baby. Like I already told you, Jack hardly wore anything while he was in the hospital -- I think we had two outfits with us... More than anything, I would bring things in a couple of different sizes (newborn, and 0-3 months) since you don't know what will fit. Because you know you'll be in the hospital a few days (and because baby clothes are tiny!) I would probably bring a 4 or 5 onesies and 4 or 5 sleepers. That will probably be more than you'll need.
Blankets: the hospital will give you a couple of receiving blankets (we definitely stole ours when we left...), but you might also want to bring one or two of your own from home. You might want one other kind of blanket too, though I remember the hospital being pretty warm when we were in there.
For Mom
Pads: same deal as diapers. They give you the first five, and then it's up to you. And when they talk about pads, they don't mean the ones you would use for a regular cycle. Find some heavy duty ones (like ones marketed for overnight, or heavy flow). They also provide some lovely underwear for you. They work well, though you might also want to bring a few pairs of your maternity underwear.
Comfortable Clothes: I've heard that your middle is pretty sore at the site of your incision, so think about what you could bring that's loose fitting. I was mostly in pyjamas, but had an outfit for going home, too. Maybe bring a nursing bra, but you may not actually wear it until you're leaving. Bring slippers or socks, too. The floors get cold!
Nursing Pillow: The hospital has some and I used one from them, but I think my own would have been better. It was a bit different in shape, so it would have been nice to use it at the hospital when I was first getting the hang of nursing.
Actual pillow: especially if you sleep best with your own pillow (not that you can do a whole lot of sleeping in the hospital...). They give you a pillow, but it's never as good as your own.
Towel: It will probably be a day or two after the birth before you're able to have a shower. They have towels at the hospital, but they're crappy and small. Next time, I would totally bring my own. The first two or three showers after Jack was born felt better than any shower I have ever had. You might want flip flops for the shower, too.
iPad: I was surprised to find that PLC didn't have wifi, but maybe they do now? Even if you can't connect to a network, it's kind of a fun, mindless way to pass some time (when you're not nursing, sleeping, trying to sleep, or staring at your amazingly perfect new baby).
Camera: Your baby will pretty much just sleep, and you'll still be tempted to document it all (and then you can share all the photos with me eventually).
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Babies R Us
I love to shop. Most often, I don't buy anything, but I love shopping anyway. In fact, I think you'll find this is not my first post about shopping (and it's not my last, either...).
One of the places I end up browsing fairly often is Babies R Us. I love looking at all the things you can get for a baby -- all the clothes, toys, and gear. I think I told you how much I loved creating a registry for Jack. I agonized over so many of the choices I made, but I still loved the whole process. It made the idea of my baby real and I loved picturing him using all the things I was picking. So Babies R Us holds some pretty nice memories for me.
But recently, something else has started to happen there. . .
I've become this nice-but-slightly-crazy lady who smiles (a little too much) at the pregnant ladies carrying baby bathtubs. Who grins a little too hard at couples trying to pick out crib sheets and monitors.
Because something has suddenly dawned on me: I'll never be that person again. I will never again be getting ready to welcome my first baby.
It's not exactly that I'm sad; mostly sentimental. Waiting for my first baby was exciting and scary and totally overwhelming.
But what I didn't quite grasp at the time was that it would only happen once.
When Jack was brand-new and something wouldn't go how I imagined, part of me would think "well, at least he's not going to be my only baby, so I'll get a chance to try that again some day." And I still believe that -- he won't be my only baby.
But he is, and always will be, my only first baby. And that's something pretty special.
Getting ready for a baby isn't perfect, and life with a newborn (or older baby, or toddler) is almost never the same as the fantasy you have in your mind. But when you can look past the piles of new clothes to wash, the monitors to unpack, the gear that is slowly taking over space that was once yours, take a minute to enjoy it all. To appreciate the peace and quiet of the only time you will prepare to welcome the first new life to your family.
Because before you know it, you may be the one smiling wistfully at the Babies R Us moms and dads and their carts full of brand-new stuff.
One of the places I end up browsing fairly often is Babies R Us. I love looking at all the things you can get for a baby -- all the clothes, toys, and gear. I think I told you how much I loved creating a registry for Jack. I agonized over so many of the choices I made, but I still loved the whole process. It made the idea of my baby real and I loved picturing him using all the things I was picking. So Babies R Us holds some pretty nice memories for me.
But recently, something else has started to happen there. . .
I've become this nice-but-slightly-crazy lady who smiles (a little too much) at the pregnant ladies carrying baby bathtubs. Who grins a little too hard at couples trying to pick out crib sheets and monitors.
Because something has suddenly dawned on me: I'll never be that person again. I will never again be getting ready to welcome my first baby.
It's not exactly that I'm sad; mostly sentimental. Waiting for my first baby was exciting and scary and totally overwhelming.
But what I didn't quite grasp at the time was that it would only happen once.
When Jack was brand-new and something wouldn't go how I imagined, part of me would think "well, at least he's not going to be my only baby, so I'll get a chance to try that again some day." And I still believe that -- he won't be my only baby.
But he is, and always will be, my only first baby. And that's something pretty special.
Getting ready for a baby isn't perfect, and life with a newborn (or older baby, or toddler) is almost never the same as the fantasy you have in your mind. But when you can look past the piles of new clothes to wash, the monitors to unpack, the gear that is slowly taking over space that was once yours, take a minute to enjoy it all. To appreciate the peace and quiet of the only time you will prepare to welcome the first new life to your family.
Because before you know it, you may be the one smiling wistfully at the Babies R Us moms and dads and their carts full of brand-new stuff.
Friday, January 4, 2013
Paperwork
Babies come with a lot of paperwork that needs to be filled out. You have to name them, register their birth, and apply for EI among other things. I found trying to keep track of all of it a little overwhelming (especially with my pregnancy brain!) so here's a pretty good list for you to browse.
Some of the paperwork is given to you by the hospital (like the one for officially naming your baby), but there is other stuff you have to do yourself (like going to a Alberta Registries office to apply for baby's birth certificate).
I also know that Jahn had to phone the Calgary Board of Education to let them know when Jack was born (within 48 hours, I think), but it's a bit of a blur to me since he took care of that...
Thank goodness we have husbands and moms around to help with all this stuff so we can sit back and enjoy our newborns (oh yeah, and recover from giving birth!).
Some of the paperwork is given to you by the hospital (like the one for officially naming your baby), but there is other stuff you have to do yourself (like going to a Alberta Registries office to apply for baby's birth certificate).
I also know that Jahn had to phone the Calgary Board of Education to let them know when Jack was born (within 48 hours, I think), but it's a bit of a blur to me since he took care of that...
Thank goodness we have husbands and moms around to help with all this stuff so we can sit back and enjoy our newborns (oh yeah, and recover from giving birth!).
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