I was thinking about your week off today and how nice it was for you to have some time where you got to do exactly what you wanted to. Time to yourself feels a lot more decadent after having a baby, but it doesn't happen often, and there's always someone you need to get back to.
So on the note of enjoying yourself, here is a list of a few things I wish I had done (or done more of) while I was pregnant:
Taken more naps: if you asked Jahn, he'll probably tell you I napped plenty. Maybe it's just because I'm tired now, but if I had the chance right now, I would go back and nap at every opportunity I had.
Stayed up late and slept in on weekends: I didn't really realize that once Jack was born, there wouldn't be much of a difference between week days and weekends (except of course that Jahn was home, which was amazing). I really missed the weekends feeling special (and for me, one of the things that set weekends apart was knowing I could stay up late and then lounge in bed the next morning). Staying up late isn't much fun anymore. And sleeping in? Maybe one day...
Been spontaneous: at least a little. Now, leaving the house takes a lot of planning and gathering stuff. I wish I had made a few more last minute plans and enjoyed knowing I could leave the house in a moment's notice, with only my purse and keys.
Taken more pictures: this will sound crazy, but within hours of Jack being born, I couldn't really remember what it felt like to be pregnant. And not that long later, it was hard to picture what I had looked like with that big belly. We certainly have some, but I wish I had more pictures of that belly. Because as weird as it sounds, I totally miss it.
Recorded the baby moving: when you get to the point in your pregnancy that you can actually see it when the baby moves, it's both completely amazing and a little freaky. In the evenings, when the baby moved the most, I would just sit and watch the show. Now I wish I had even a short video to be able to show Jack one day.
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Thursday, July 19, 2012
A Moment
I was in Carter's today looking for a new pyjama for Jack. As I tried to pick only one, something caught my eye. It was a set of clothes that had two pieces: a onesie and a pair of coordinating pants. The front of the onesie said "dad's little man" or something like that.
It wasn't so much the actual clothes that stuck out to me. What made me notice them was that the tag said NB -- newborn size. I held them up. They were so tiny -- a world away from the 12 month robot pyjamas and striped t-shirt I was holding -- and I was struck by a feeling. It was the feeling I had the first time I went into Carter's a few weeks before Jack was born. I remembered it so clearly -- the mixture of excitement and nervousness, anticipation and joy. Love. Pure happiness.
And though it feels so far away, I remembered those outfits. The impossibly small ones that I stared at for so long and then finally got to put on someone. I remembered the feeling of dressing a newborn, the way they stay all curled up, the way you can picture what they must have looked like in your belly. I remembered the feeling, too, of having a newborn. How completely indescribable those early days are.
And then I thought of you. I imagined you putting your brand new baby in one of these tiny little outfits. I imagined you sitting and staring and this tiny, perfect being you created. I thought about how special those calm, quiet moments are; how you can sit there, just staring, for hours. How completly overwhelming the love is.
Being a parent is hard. It's exhausting and scary and frustrating and unrelenting. But it's so, so beautiful, too. There are so many cliches about it: how you'll never love anyone more, how quickly time moves, how it's a miracle. The thing is, they're all true. And I can't wait for you to get to have that experience. It's so much more than you've ever imagined.
It wasn't so much the actual clothes that stuck out to me. What made me notice them was that the tag said NB -- newborn size. I held them up. They were so tiny -- a world away from the 12 month robot pyjamas and striped t-shirt I was holding -- and I was struck by a feeling. It was the feeling I had the first time I went into Carter's a few weeks before Jack was born. I remembered it so clearly -- the mixture of excitement and nervousness, anticipation and joy. Love. Pure happiness.
And though it feels so far away, I remembered those outfits. The impossibly small ones that I stared at for so long and then finally got to put on someone. I remembered the feeling of dressing a newborn, the way they stay all curled up, the way you can picture what they must have looked like in your belly. I remembered the feeling, too, of having a newborn. How completely indescribable those early days are.
And then I thought of you. I imagined you putting your brand new baby in one of these tiny little outfits. I imagined you sitting and staring and this tiny, perfect being you created. I thought about how special those calm, quiet moments are; how you can sit there, just staring, for hours. How completly overwhelming the love is.
Being a parent is hard. It's exhausting and scary and frustrating and unrelenting. But it's so, so beautiful, too. There are so many cliches about it: how you'll never love anyone more, how quickly time moves, how it's a miracle. The thing is, they're all true. And I can't wait for you to get to have that experience. It's so much more than you've ever imagined.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
An Open Letter
To my first-trimester self,
Remember when you were so excited to be pregnant? When those two little lines appeared, it was as though they marked the end of one kind life and the beginning of another. Remember all the beautiful things about being pregnant you couldn't wait for? I know they are hard to keep in sight, now that all your days are filled with exhaustion and nausea. The beauty of creating life seems so much less glamorous than you had hoped. Remember that person who said "pregnancy glow" was actually just sweat from throwing up? I know that feels a lot closer to the truth.
I know how you feel -- you wanted to be pregnant so badly. You feel so lucky that it happened so easily when for others, it doesn't. And yet you spend your days sad you're not enjoying it. That it's not the experience you were hoping for.
So I wanted to tell you it's ok. All those bad things will go away and pregnancy will be fun. The exhaustion will lift, the nausea will disappear and you will love having that belly every bit as much as you hoped. And even though other discomforts will come and go, something amazing will happen: you will start to feel that little being inside you moving around, and you will start to imagine him or her joining your life.
So don't feel bad if you're not having fun right now or if it's hard to remember why you ever thought this was a good idea. It gets so, so much better.
Sincerely, Your 36 week self.
Remember when you were so excited to be pregnant? When those two little lines appeared, it was as though they marked the end of one kind life and the beginning of another. Remember all the beautiful things about being pregnant you couldn't wait for? I know they are hard to keep in sight, now that all your days are filled with exhaustion and nausea. The beauty of creating life seems so much less glamorous than you had hoped. Remember that person who said "pregnancy glow" was actually just sweat from throwing up? I know that feels a lot closer to the truth.
I know how you feel -- you wanted to be pregnant so badly. You feel so lucky that it happened so easily when for others, it doesn't. And yet you spend your days sad you're not enjoying it. That it's not the experience you were hoping for.
So I wanted to tell you it's ok. All those bad things will go away and pregnancy will be fun. The exhaustion will lift, the nausea will disappear and you will love having that belly every bit as much as you hoped. And even though other discomforts will come and go, something amazing will happen: you will start to feel that little being inside you moving around, and you will start to imagine him or her joining your life.
So don't feel bad if you're not having fun right now or if it's hard to remember why you ever thought this was a good idea. It gets so, so much better.
Sincerely, Your 36 week self.
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