Skin to Skin

I was reading your post about all the thoughts you're having about the baby and motherhood and I know that feeling -- it's like a never-ending cycle of what ifs.  Your worries about skin to skin stuck out to me the most, though, because I remember that, too.

Everything you read makes you feel like, unless your baby is skin to skin with you the second she's born, you might as well forget about it.  She's ruined, your bond is ruined, and you'll probably never breastfeed successfully.

So even though I know I can't completely calm your worries, I'm going to tell you about my experience, and hopefully it will help a bit.  Or (like with anything I ever write) you can completly ignore it.  As long as you do what feels right for you and your baby, everything else will work out.

I had the picture in my mind.  I knew I was going to push one last time, out would come my baby, and he would go right on my chest.  I would tell the nurses they could examine and weigh him later.  I would ask them to save all the assessments until at least thirty minutes after he had been born, so we would have a beautiful first moment together and our bond would be sealed.

A nice idea.

Except, of course, what actually happened was nothing like that.  There was a last push, but there was also a baby who wasn't doing very well.  Who was not put gently into my arms but was instead whisked into the arms of a sea of doctors and nurses.  A baby who spent what seemed like forever being poked and prodded and suctioned instead of being cuddled on my chest.  At that moment, all I wanted was for everything to be ok.  There wasn't time to think about skin to skin or anything else I had hoped for.

Eventually, though, he did get brought over to me and we did get to be skin to skin.  It feels like it took hours to get there.  In reality, it was probably less than ten minutes.  We stayed that way for a few minutes before they took him away again to weigh him and wrap him up.  I also got to try nursing him in the delivery room (before moving to the room we actually stayed in) but it was at least an hour after he was born (not as soon as "they" recommend).

Once we were in our new room, everyone went to sleep (since we were all exhausted).  I think Jack was mostly in his little plastic tub bassinet thing, but I don't really remember -- it's kind of a blur.  But starting the morning after he was born, we spent a lot (maybe most?) of the rest of our hospital stay skin to skin.  Since we didn't have any visitors (because of the hospital's policy), I didn't really have to worry about being presentable, and Jack didn't have to be in clothes or all wrapped up to keep warm (because he wasn't being passed around at all).  I didn't do a lot of skin to skin with him once we got back home (because the public health nurse who visited freaked me out by telling me he was cold) but it was always a good way to calm him down when nothing else worked.

So I would definitely say I'm a big fan of skin to skin, and I think all the time Jack and spent that way in the hospital was part (but only part) of the reason he nursed really well almost right away.  That being said, I certainly don't think our bond suffered because we missed out on those first few moments.  I can imagine it must be stressful for you to think about a c-section and to wonder what will happen with your baby right after she's born.  If skin to skin is something you want, talk to you doctor about it.  Often, I think it's only about half an hour before you're out of the operating room and into recovery, but I know it may be longer for you, so see what your doctor has to say.  If you aren't able to be skin to skin in the first few hours, don't panic.  Spend the time cuddled together when you can.  Because really, it's not those first minutes that make or break your bond.  I promise.

Babies: The Movie

I was just talking with a friend of mine about the movie Babies.  I don't know if you saw the 2010 documentary the followed four babies throughout their first year in different parts of the world.  I had wanted to see it when it first came out, but didn't manage to get around to it until I was more than eight months pregnant.  Turns out, that was the best possible time I could have watched it.

So here are my top five reasons you should think about finding a copy and watching it before your baby joins you.  And if you've already seen it, watch it again now that you're pregnant.

1. Babies are adorable....
.....and hilarious.  Sit back and be entertained by all the things these babies get into.  Laugh, and enjoy thinking about how cute your own baby will be.

2. It will remind you how much stuff we have...
....that makes our lives as moms here in Canada so comfortable.  Heat.  Electricity.  Running water.  Health care.  Cars.  You will be reminded of how thankful we should be for all of our everyday conveniences.

3. It will remind you how much stuff we have...
.....that makes our lives as moms way more complicated than they need to be.  Raising a baby is such big business here.  We're constantly surrounded by companies telling us we absolutely need their product to raise happy, healthy, smart babies.  Watch the mother and baby in Namibia -- they seem to be doing just fine without Baby Einstein or a wipes warmer.  Or diapers...(but that's another post).

4. It will show you how incredibly resilient babies are....
.....and how we can be a little less worried about everything.  When Jack started playing on the floor, I would worry about what kind of germs he was crawling through and sucking on.  But as I would start to get worked up, I would think about the Mongolian baby with the goat drinking out of his bath.  Or the Namibian baby putting her face down in the dirt to lick ground water.  And I would take a deep breath and remember babies are actually pretty sturdy little creatures.

5. It will give you a little glimpse...
....into the everyday magic that is all around you.  Nothing is mundane to a baby -- watch the wonder these babies have for everything they discover around them.  Think about the new wonderful and wonder-filled world that's about to open up for you through the eyes of your little girl.

Thankful

Some days, between the lack of sleep, the food on the floor, the endless laundry and meal prep, I can lose sight of how lucky I am.  But I know I have so much to be thankful for.  Of course I'm thankful for all the amazing things I have been blessed with: my family, my family of incredible friends, health, happiness.  But sometimes as a mom, it's about being thankful for the small, everyday things.

So, in the spirit of the season, I'm thankful for 

Balls and balloons, that keep my son occupied for hours everyday.
My stroller, that gives me a bit of peace when I need it most.
French toast, a non-messy meal Jack would eat every day of his life if I let him.
Spookie, the one thing that can always make Jack smile, no matter how sad he is.
Naps, bath time, and bedtime.
Snuggling

And, on the very rare occasions these happen, I'm incredibly thankful for
Enjoying a quiet drink at Starbucks.
Going out with Jahn, just the two of us.
Any stretch of sleep longer than 3 hours.
Going to the bathroom.  All alone.

What's In A Name?

Have people started asking you about names yet?  I feel like as soon as people know the gender of a baby, the name game starts.  And then, of course, it continues until the day the baby is born.  Choosing your baby's name feels like a really big deal.  I mean, it IS a really big deal.  But for me, it became almost an obsession -- any time I wasn't thinking about anything in particular, I was thinking about what my baby's name would be.  I think the decision feels so important not only because the baby will have the name forever, but because choosing a name is just about the only thing you have control over.

So here are a couple of my thoughts about naming (both from a mom and teacher perspective).  Please feel free to ignore any or all of this.

Don't ask, don't tell
Everyone loves to give opinions about names.  EVERYONE.  If you have a name you like, guard it with your life.  Ok, that's a bit dramatic, but in all seriousness, if you are set on something, sharing it ahead of time makes people think their opinions are welcome.  "You like that name?  Oh..... That was my cousin's ex-girlfriend's name, and she was a bitch ".    Even if you think you want people's true opinion, be careful, because they won't hold back and will tell you EXACTLY what they think of the name.  Except for me, of course.  I would tell you it's the best name I've ever heard.

Popularity Contest
When my brother named my nephew Finnlee, the name seemed pretty unusual.  Since then though, I hear little guys being called Finn all over the place.  How could they have guessed they would be at the beginning of a naming trend?  A lot of people try to avoid picking popular names, but I don't think it's worth spending too much time worrying about, because you just never know what will be popular.  If you love a name, it doesn't matter who else might have the same one.

It's good, but is it perfect?
I had chosen baby names long before Jack was born (ok, actually long before he was ever conceived...).  Then when I found out he was a boy, the name I had been thinking about for all that time suddenly belonged to a real person.  And then I wasn't sure.  I still loved the name, but was it perfect for him?  So because I wasn't sure, I spent months trying out different names, worried that an even better name was out there somewhere.  Finally, I thought about advice I heard about wedding dresses once: When you find the right thing, be happy and don't keep worrying there's something better out there, because you'll drive yourself crazy.  That being said, we decided not to choose a middle name until Jack was here, so we could still play a little bit more of the name game....

Whatever you choose, and whether or not you tell anyone ahead of time, just find a name you love and it will be perfect.