You're Doing Ok

I think all new moms have doubts about themselves from time to time. We're charged with raising another human -- responsible for making sure this other person turns out ok. But, let's face it: we're human, too, and try as we might, there are going to be times we make mistakes. Or lose our patience.  Or worry -- about everything...


So when that happens, watch this video and feel better. And maybe cry a little.

Help Me!

Even though I really do believe in trusting yourself when it comes to what's right for your baby, there are times when you'll want advice. Talking to other parents is great, but I've found the Internet can also be a lifeline. Sometimes you can find a good answer to a quick question. Other times, it's just nice to find a whole cyber world of parents going through the same thing.  So here are some of my favorite places to look for advice and support.

Babycentre.com or babycentre.ca : lots of good answers, especially for health and development kinds of questions.

Todaysparent.com: tons of articles about everything (and a good "search" feature). It sometimes takes a little bit to find what you're looking for, but I always enjoy the articles I read.

Askdrsears.com: by far my favourite when it comes to those "am I doing the right thing" feelings. Have a look and see what you think. His views on raising babies has been a lifesaver with Jack. I know there were times people thought I was crazy because of things I did with Jack (like letting him nap in my arms or sleep in my bed), but Dr. Sears always made me feel like I was doing exactly the right thing. Be warned, though: his views are definitely not for everyone.  If his advice doesn't work for you or your baby, ignore it!

Mall Meltdown

(** I wrote this quite a while ago, and I know you said you were at the mall the other day and it sounds like it all went great.  But I thought I would still include it... Just in case...**)

I've always noticed babies. I can't help it -- it's who I am. And one of the places babies seem to be everywhere you look is the mall. I would see moms pushing their their chubby smiling babies around the mall and think "One day, that will be me". And I couldn't wait.

Fast forward.

Jack is just over two weeks old and Jess is visiting from Ottawa. She wants to get herself some new running shoes and I am looking for some more nursing shirts, so we decide to head to Market Mall. It was my first real outing with Jack (at least one that wasn't with Jahn) and I was excited to finally be one of those moms I always saw. People would be cooing at my baby. My perfect (still very brand new) baby. 

The mall wasn't very busy, since it was a Thursday morning in the middle of September. Jack was happily snoozing in his car seat in the stroller. And just as I hoped, people were smiling at me and telling me how beautiful my baby was. The first five minutes were bliss. Then reality hit. Jess wanted to check out H&M. While she shopped, I tried to keep the stroller moving to keep Jack asleep. Unfortunately, Jack was having none of it. He woke up and wanted out. Like, NOW.  I picked him up, gave him a soother, and he snuggled right in. But that's when I started noticing it: The noise. The smells. The lights. All the people. I started to feel panicky. Jess finished and we left the store. I felt a bit better out in the main part of the mall.

We headed for the food court, where Jack decided he was hungry, too. I felt the wave of panic again. I was going to have to change and nurse him in public. With all the noise and the germs and the lights and the people. I did it, but by the time I was done, I was exhausted.

Next, it was on to look for shoes. Jess had a hard time deciding -- these ones or these ones? Hmmmm..... Maybe these ones? Or those ones... Jack started to squawk again. I could feel myself losing it. We needed to leave. Like, NOW. I took some deep breaths. I took Jack back out of his stroller. Finally, shoes were chosen and we got to leave. Once I got the car seat and stroller loaded into the car and started driving, I vowed silently never to set foot in the mall again.

Of course, I don't think I stuck to that for more than a few days (in fact, I went back to Market Mall the following Monday with my mom and felt much better). The funny thing is, when I was pregnant, a co-worker of mine told me about leaving a mall in tears with her very new baby and her mom because she just couldn't take it. When she told me the story, I secretly thought she must have been a bit nuts. But suddenly, standing panicked in Market Mall, I totally got it. I have since talked to lots other moms who tell me almost the same story. I still can't tell you why exactly I felt the way I did. I think it had something to do with seeing for the first time just how vulnerable my baby was, and knowing I was the one responsible for making everything ok.

Either way, if you find yourself having a small panic attack in a mall with your brand new baby, you're not alone. Take a deep breath, and just leave if you need to. You're not crazy.  

And don't worry -- you will get to be one of those moms in the mall.

Ahhh Newborns

Those newborn days can be intense. But they're beautiful, too. Here are a few of the things I found most wonderful:

Holding your sleeping baby. In those first few weeks, Jack slept a lot. He was so beautiful and so new and tiny, I found it almost impossible to put him down. There's just something magical about the warm weight of a sleeping newborn in your arms.

Watching the baby's expressions. Even when they are asleep, the funniest little expressions cross their faces. You could watch all day and never get bored. So let the dishes wait. Sit back and enjoy the show.

Other people and your baby. I've said it before, but a newborn is all kinda of magic. As much as you love your baby, it's also pretty special to watch the people around you fall in love with him or her. I was worried I wouldn't be good at sharing the baby, but it turns out it's worth sharing to watch other people interact and marvel at your baby. Maybe best of all is when that other person is your husband. Your heart will melt watching your husband fall in love with his baby.

Tiny details. Ok, so I guess this actually goes along with holding your baby or watching his expressions, but it's hard not to sit and be amazed by this perfect little being you created. Just looking at all the tiny little features is irresistible.

Things That Matter

I didn't want my last post before you become a mom to be about dirty diapers.  It seemed wrong (even though diapers will be a part of the new everyday), when there are so many other, much more important things to say.

So here they are.

You can do it.
This mom thing, this raising of tiny humans, it's hard.  It's wonderful.  It's all those cliches you always hear.  I'm so excited for you, and I know you're going to do an amazing job.  

It's ok.
Some days will suck.  Some days, you'll wonder what you were thinking getting yourself into this. When people told me that before Jack was born, I thought I wouldn't ever feel that way.  Admitting (even just to myself) I did feel that way sometimes was hard.  But having days when I wished I could be somewhere else didn't mean I was a bad mom.  It won't mean you're one either. Go easy on yourself.  

You can call.
I've told you before, but I want you to know I really mean it.  If I was still in Calgary, I would also offer to come over at any time, but since I'm here, the phone and Skype are the tools I have.  Any day, any time.  It will never be too early or too late.

You aren't alone.  

I can see now that the times when being a mom feels the hardest are the times I feel alone.  As soon as I find someone (in real life, or online) who feels the way I do, everything is easier.  As much as it takes a village to raise a child, I think it takes a village to raise a mom, too.  Find your village, and their support will overwhelm you.

Now enjoy this (and I dare you not to cry...)

Diaper Duty

There's so much information out there about new babies, and it's impossible to try to remember everything, so I definitely don't want to add to that for you.  But I was thinking today about one of those little tips that I found helpful in the hospital.  Maybe you've already read it.  Maybe the nurses will tell you.  But in case not, here is a piece of diapering advice:

The first few times your baby poops, it will be black and sticky (like tar).  That's the meconium.  The hospital is going to give you a tube of Vaseline, which is the BEST thing to for those first few dirty diapers.  When you're changing her, spread a good layer of the Vaseline on her bottom.  It will make the next diaper change SO much easier, because the Vaseline will help stop the meconium from sticking to her.

And yes, in just over a week, the bodily functions of another human being will become a completely normal conversation topic.  Just go with it.