If It Feels Right

Have you seen the number of books that exist about parenting? Each expert seems to be saying that they know the best way to raise a baby. If you just follow their advice, your baby won't cry, will sleep through the night at 3 weeks, and your life will be bliss.  And then there's also all the unsolicited advice and opinions from other well-meaning parents.

It's not that I think all the experts are wrong or all the advice is bad.  But when Jack was born, I was struck by the fact that he was ours -- we knew him better than anyone else did, and that made us the experts.

People (both with and without kids) just can't seem to help themselves from offering advice to new parents.  Sometimes, that "help" doesn't feel helpful - it feels judgemental.  There are definitely some people who feel the way they did things was the "right" way, and any other way (in their eyes) just isn't as good.  Coming up against those people is not fun.  For the most part though, I don't think people mean to be critical. I think they know having a new baby is tough and they just want to help make it easier for you.    

But in the end, what other people did with their babies doesn't dictate what you have to do with yours. Keep the advice you like and quietly ignore the rest.  Nod and smile, and then do whatever you want.

You won't get it all right on the first try.  It will be hard.  There will be times you will be unsure of yourself in a way you never have been before. 

But don't worry about people telling you you're doing the wrong thing. Listen to yourself and your baby and find what makes you all happy.  Because if it works for you, that's all that matters.

And on those tough days, where you think you're in over your head, call me.  I promise you I will always be supportive of whatever decisions you make.  Have her sleep in your room, or your bed, or in the basement.  Bottle or breast feed.  Let her nap in your arms or in the swing or with the cat.  I'll be here to be your cheerleader.  To remind you you're doing a great job, even when you're not sure.  To remind you to focus on you and your baby, and to let everyone else fade into the background.